monkee reviews 'Bound'
First Impression: Some moments of campy fun aren't quite enough to elevate this one much above adolescent boy entertainment.
Harrad-Sar: Enterprise is en route to investigate a planet where there be dragons (at least according to rumor) when they are intercepted by an Orion. He is Harrad-Sar, and he says, after the obligatory macho posturing, that he wants to offer hospitality and open up a dialog between the Orion Syndicate and Starfleet. Though wary, Archer can't pass up the opportunity to have one less hostile species 'out there.' He, Reed and two MACOs accept Harrad-Sar's invitation and beam over to his ship. There, dancers entertain them. But not just any dancers...
GREEN ORION SLAVE GIRLS!!! Three of 'em! 'Cause what's better than a green Orion slave girl? THREE green Orion slave girls, of course. And they're SISTERS!
Listen, I'm a fun-lovin' monkee. I don't mind sex and scantily-clad babes on Star Trek that's all traditionally part of its charm. I like Green Orion Slave Girls! And there was nothing wrong with these three, really, except I thought their dance was a little jerky and strange more trashy than sexy. Now Vina's dance, back in 'The Cage,' thirty-five years ago, THAT was sexy. But I digress.
I like the slave girls. I just don't like what happens to Enterprise's crew under their influence. They are instantaneously transformed into idiots! "What do you think?" Harrad-Sar asks a wide-eyed Reed. "I can't think," he says. "I agree with my tactical officer," Archer adds, all agog. Ack. It was like the worst of the stupid Trip and Reed scenes in 'Two Days and Two Nights' all over again!
The Key to Acceptance: And here is the premise you have to accept if you are to stomach this episode at all the pheromones of the Orion women are so powerful that they render human males almost helpless, and vulnerable to suggestion. They turn belligerent and aggressive. They lose sight of their responsibilities. They trip over themselves and walk into walls. And the effects are instantaneous and get worse the longer they're exposed. Okay, whatever. I can accept this. It's not much different than Elaan's tears in 'Elaan of Troyius' (TOS). So, I'll buy it, but I don't have to like it!
A Gift: At first, though, the Enterprise crew doesn't know about the pheromones of the Orion women, and Harrad-Sar has what seems like a reasonable business proposition. He has found large deposits of magnesite on a planet, but lacks the ability to mine it. He'll give Starfleet the coordinates if they promise to mine it and give him ten percent of the profit. Sounds reasonable enough. Even T'Pol can't argue with that. She's a little less pleased when she learns that in addition to the coordinates, Harrad-Sar has given Archer the three Orion women as a 'gift,' to celebrate the deal. And Archer has accepted them!
And so they walk (or slink) onto the ship. They are given quarters. Apparently no one thinks it might be a good idea to scan them, or give them a standard physical and clean bill of health. Too bad. They might have discovered the pheromone problem right off the bat and saved themselves some trouble.
Obnoxious Distraction: At first there are just minor annoyances associated with the women's presence on the ship. The crew-women are listless and have headaches. The crewmen are acting like idiots and many are late for their shifts. The ship's corridors smell like Axe cologne (Yeah, I made that one up, but I'm probably right ) T'Pol brings it to the Captain's attention. "It's primarily their attire," she points out. "Or lack of it," he leers, before blanching under T'Pol's disgusted scowl. He agrees to talk to the Orion women about it, and also to reiterate that they are his guests and not his slaves, since T'Pol's pretty sure that won't go over well with Starfleet.
Guy Talk: In the gym, Mayweather and Reed try to burn off some of their excess...er...energy by lifting weights. Mayweather says it's been his experience that this helps, and tells Reed about the time there were Deltan women on his parent's ship. The scene is overplayed, particularly by Montgomery, but it was still kind of cute, and I did like the reference to Deltans.
In the end, Mayweather concedes that the weightlifting didn't really help much with his pent-up sexual energy at fifteen, but it did help his biceps.
That it did, Travis. That it did.
Oops. Was that shallow? Sorry. Perhaps the adolescent tone of the episode is contagious...
More Serious Problems: The slave girl-induced problems soon become more troubling. Phlox is prematurely going into a sleep cycle, and can only stay awake by taking stimulants. One of the slave girls, D'Nesh, turns up in engineering and asks Commander Kelby for a tour. Kelby, who is already out of sorts because he thinks Trip is going to return to Enterprise and take his job back, obliges, and gives her entirely too much information. Trip overhears them and orders Kelby to stop. When he refuses, Trip relieves him of duty and confines him to quarters.
Command Seduction: When Archer visits Navaar to discuss the problems with her, she says she and the girls will be happy to comply with all the ship's protocols. She accepts that she is no longer anyone's property, but still wants to please Archer because she hasn't known many honest men. She's hanging all over him throughout the conversation, and he's helpless. They kiss passionately, but are interrupted by T'Pol, who calls from the bridge to tell Archer that they've arrived at the coordinates Harrad-Sar gave them. Archer tells her he'll get around to it, kisses Navaar again, and the screen fades to black.
So Archer finally gets some 'alien babe of the week' action. It was probably in Bakula's contract, or something. His Archer hasn't gotten nearly as much as Shatner's Kirk...
A Slight Overreaction: Archer finally moseys on up to the bridge. He's disheveled and distracted. A small ship is already orbiting the planet. Surprised by Enterprise, it fires, but its torpedoes are low-yield and unable to do any damage. T'Pol speculates that it is a science vessel, and its presence there is probably just a coincidence. Archer belligerently orders Reed to destroy it. The bridge crew is appalled, and Reed refuses to comply. The argument is rendered moot when the small ship flees.
Here's where the episode begins to lose me. Why wasn't Archer relieved of duty right then and there? The entire bridge crew witnessed the incident!
Another Seduction: D'Nesh goes to Kelby's quarters and seduces him. Afterwards, she chides him for not simply taking back his job. "What would you do to keep me forever?" she purrs. "What would you do?"
Sabotage: What would he do? Anything she says, apparently. He sneaks into engineering, and before anyone even sees him, manages to screw things up and effectively shut down the engines. Trip is the one who has to punch his lights out in order to get him to stop. And now the ship is dead in space.
Questions Answered: In sickbay, Phlox finally discovers the pheromone problem, and tells Archer and Trip about it. The women on the ship are listless and have headaches. The men are becoming aggressive, and with increased exposure will ultimately become as delusional as Kelby. He also reveals that Trip and T'Pol are the only people on the ship who are not affected by the pheromones.
Of course Archer will turn command over to one of them now, right? Surely anyone with an ounce of sense, even someone who's addled by pheromones, can see that this is the correct course of action. And, if not, the ship's doctor will insist. He's just stated that the Captain, and every male crewmember on board (except for Trip) is unfit for command. Perhaps this would even be a good time to relieve ALL of the ship's men of duty. Better to have listless, cranky women running the ship than aggressive, delusional and potentially dangerous men, right? Right???
Apparently, no one sees it this way, because none of it comes to pass.
But naturally the three Orion women will be put in isolation perhaps in the decon chamber, which is reasonably comfortable and even has a bathroom. That's just common sense, right? I said, am I right???
Nope. Wrong again.
Spies Among Us: The ship is disabled, and Harrad-Sar's ship is on an intercept course. Archer discovers a communications devise in Navaar's quarters, and T'Pol is able to determine that she has been using it to communicate with her old master. It would seem that the Orions have set Enterprise up. So the three Orion women are put in the brig. Archer and T'Pol question them, and it's a good thing T'Pol is there, because once he is under Navaar's spell again, Archer nearly releases all three of them. He snaps out of it, though. The Orion women deny everything, so he and T'Pol leave.
And even as they're walking away, the three Orion women are giving their all-male security guards significant, sensual looks...Since the brig isn't an isolated environment, the men are being continually exposed to the 'potent pheromones.'
Hello? T'Pol, at least, should have realized what a bad idea that was.
Archer orders her to go to engineering and help Trip get the ship up and running. She tells him that he is impaired and she should be on the bridge, but he seems more coherent now. He understands the threat and knows that getting the ship operational is the first priority. Reluctantly, she agrees.
Bound: In engineering, Trip wonders aloud why he is immune to the pheromones. T'Pol thinks she knows the answer to that. "There's a long held belief that when a Vulcan mates," she says, "there's a shared psychic bond."
Oh, so NOW she tells him! Poor Trip. Women are always doing this sort of thing to him. 'Hey, good lookin', let's both put our hands in this box of rocks, and oh, by the way, it might impregnate you.' T'Pol jumped his bones, told him she was just experimenting with emotion, and neglected to mention a long-held belief that once it happened, they'd be mentally connected for LIFE! Oh dear.
Trip takes it well, and even finally admits to daydreaming about the fair Vulcan. He seems to be at peace with his feelings for her. Besides, the shared psychic bond is a definite advantage under the current circumstances. T'Pol's immunity to the pheromones has been passed on to him, preventing him from becoming a delusional fool like his shipmates.
All joking aside, I like that the shared psychic bond, so long a staple of Trek sub-canon, was mentioned. It just seems to me that it was mentioned too frivolously.
Revelation the Big Twist: Harrad-Sar is back for Archer's head. It turns out the Orion Syndicate has put a price on it. He quickly disables the damaged Enterprise's weapons, and the ship is helpless, much like its crew. Since he knows he has them, Harrad-Sar reveals to Archer that the women aren't working for him, he is working for them. After thirty-five years of Star Trek, the truth is known at last. The Orion Slave Girls are not the slaves they are the masters. And who can blame them? Their pheromones turn all the men on their planet, and men on many other planets, into mindless, lusty automatons. Someone has to be in charge...
Harrad-Sar grapples Enterprise and begins towing it to its fate. Down in Engineering, Trip and T'Pol realize that the grappler cable is attached near Enterprise's deflector array. They can detach it, and Harrad-Sar's ship will be disabled in the process. T'Pol heads to the bridge to coordinate their efforts from there.
Sexy Intruders on the Bridge: Not at all surprisingly, the three Orion women arrive on the bridge. They've used their Green Orion Slave Girl wiles to convince the security detail to release them from the brig. They immediately realize that T'Pol is up to no good, and use their influence to have Archer confine her to quarters. Reed draws his weapon and is about to do just that when help arrives. It's Trip! He stuns Reed, Archer and Mayweather with his phase pistol. Navaar turns her considerable charms on him, but he just rolls his eyes. "You're sweet-talkin' the wrong guy," he tells her. Hee. He personally escorts them off the bridge. Let's hope he has enough sense to put them in isolation, where they should have been to begin with!
T'Pol's Sense of Humor: Enterprise returns the three Orion women to Harrad-Sar, and he heads home at very low impulse. I'm not sure that's a good idea, but it does put a merciful end to this particular episode! In sickbay, Phlox tells Archer that it will take a few days for the effects of the pheromones to wear off completely. T'Pol claims that at least some good has come from the incident they now know more about Orions than they did before. "Yeah," Reed says wryly, "the women are in charge." T'Pol says this is proof that even the most disagreeable species can have some positive attributes. The men aren't sure at first, but they suspect they've been insulted. And not only that, T'Pol has cracked a joke! It's not a great joke, but Archer says that's because Trip is rubbing off on her. Hee. This scene, too, was just a tad overplayed, but it had a TOS Kirk-Spock-McCoy feel to it, and it made me smile.
Resolutions: As they walk through the corridors, Trip and T'Pol have a little Han Solo and Princess Leia moment. T'Pol is telling him that it would be good, for Enterprise's sake, if he could stick around a while longer. Trip wants her to admit that SHE wants him to stick around. Eventually, she does, and when he still plays it cool, she gives him a big kiss. Awwww! He confesses then that he asked Captain Hernandez to transfer him back to Enterprise a three days earlier. "I realized," he tells her, "that this is where I belong, and this thing between us...isn't that big a deal." By this, I think he means that he's now comfortable with his feelings for her, and doesn't think they're going to interfere with his duty. As they part, the look on her face is priceless. I think they've finally come to an understanding. Awwww!
Character Interactions: The characters weren't exactly at their best, but I did enjoy some of their interactions. Even though it was played too broadly, I liked the male bonding in the gym. I LOVED the scene with Phlox in sickbay. No need to pop pills in the future all you have to do is jab yourself in the neck with a hypo! I also enjoyed the way Archer was stalking around Trip, almost sizing him up, when Phlox revealed that he was immune to the pheromones. I'm not sure what it meant, but it was cute! Hoshi's concern for Phlox, her dizzy and disoriented Denobulan friend, was sweet, as always. And I got a kick out of the camaraderie in sickbay at the end, when Archer, Reed and Trip called T'Pol on her sense of humor.
Archer Watch: Sorry. He doesn't get a full pass for being addled by pheromones. There were times when he definitely seemed coherent, and should have taken steps to address the problems on board his ship. And please, this character doesn't need anything that makes him MORE belligerent! This was definitely not his finest hour.
Mayweather Watch: He got a scene! And it was fun and amusing! AND he got to show off his biceps! Woo hoo! You go, Travis!
'shipper Watch: A shared psychic bond is a serious thing, and I'm a little sorry it came up in such a silly way, but at least it came up. The Trip/T'Pol scenes were my favorites, and helped salvage the episode somewhat for me. Trip has accepted his feelings for her and made peace with them, and I think she's on the way to doing the same. Nice.
It's only fair to mention Navaar's catty comment to Archer about T'Pol having power over him. The fair Vulcan did manage to override the pheromones once or twice. And her concern for him was sweet.
The appraising look Archer was giving Trip in sickbay interests me, too. Is it jealousy? And is he jealous of Trip, or T'Pol? Oh, I know. He's not lusting after Trip, at least not in canon. But hey the slash fans should have some fun, too.
Best Lines:
"This is from a planet in the Gorn Hegemony. The less said about them, the better." (Harrad-Sar, to Archer, regarding the beverage he's serving)
"I think she likes you. Her name is Navaar. She's the most...experienced...of the three." (Harrad-Sar, to Archer. Ugh.)
"They're still under the impression they belong to you. Unless a new policy has been instated, I believe Starfleet does not condone slavery." (T'Pol, wryly, to Archer)
"I was fifteen. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe! The only think that got me through it was weight training with my Dad. He said if I was exhausted...idle hands, and all that." (Mayweather, to Reed, regarding Deltan women)
"Did it help?" "It helped my biceps!" (Reed and Mayweather)
"I'm just not used to seeing guys trip over themselves like that." "Oh, just a little healthy sexual energy. Keeps the blood pumping." "Well if you ask me, it's pumping a little too hard." (Hoshi and Phlox)
"I'm used to being with men who TAKE what they want." (D'Nesh, to Kelby. I guess she'd like Khan...)
"I'm obviously not the only woman who has power over you." (Navaar, to Archer, regarding T'Pol)
"I don't know whether to be relieved, or really worried." (Trip, to T'Pol, upon learning that they have a shared psychic bond.)
"The Syndicate wants your head, Captain, and they don't really care whether or not it's attached to your body." (Harrad-Sar, to Archer)
"Yes, Captain. You've been operating under a misconception. It is the men who are the slaves, not the women." (Harrad-Sar, to Archer)
"Commander Tucker. I'm impressed. I'm beginning to see who's the true master of this vessel." "Oh, save it. Captain Archer runs this ship. You're sweet-talkin' the wrong guy!" (Navaar and Trip)
"It almost sounded like you were making a joke." "At least trying to make one." (Archer and Trip, to T'Pol)
"I guess we proved it again that we make a hell of a team. Especially now that we're in each other's heads." (Trip, to T'Pol)
THE Best Line:
"Wow, is that the engine? I can feel the power..." (D'Nesh, to Kelby. The 'Valley Girl' delivery puts it right up there with "Brain and brain what is brain?" Totally.)
Rating: Oh, what to do, what to do? I'm torn. It really wasn't very good. The characters were too stupid to live this week! And much of the humor was overplayed, given that the writers opted to make the threat genuine. But Enterprise has run out of time to reach its potential, and you can see that they're trying to give some nods to the Treks that came before. I appreciate that the references to the Gorn, the Deltans, and the psychic bond between Vulcan mates. It's all good. And it's nice to see the Green Orion Slave Girls come full circle. They first appeared in 'The Cage,' the original Star Trek pilot. I'm going to be WAY generous and go with an 8/10. What can I say? I'm already missing the show!
But we don't have to call them Green Orion Master Girls now, do we? Because that just doesn't have the same ring to it...
Next Week: The evil mirror universe yippee!! And Hoshi is the Captain's woman? Whoa! This one looks like fun!
Back to monkee's Enterprise reviews
Number: