monkee reviews 'Rogue Planet'
First Impressions: squint...squint...YAWN...
Bad Trek Science: To be honest, bad science in Trek never bothers me much. Can thermal vents explain the photosynthesis-less, verdant green forest on a sunless planet? Can anything at all explain the thermal vents on a rogue planet in the first place? Probably not, but...whatever. I suppose I'd rather have it glossed over than explained by lines and lines of questionable technobabble. I've been overlooking this sort of thing for thirty-five years now. Heck, on TOS, they removed Spock's brain and used it to power a civilization! It should be noted, however, that a lot of people like a little science with their science fiction, and they really should make more of an effort in this area. I don't think it's impossible to combine the two. Fine sci-fi writers have been doing it for a century.
For me, though, this week, the bad science didn't bother me half as much as the fact that the story was DEADLY DULL!
Predictable: I have a friend who turned off this episode after twelve minutes and was able to guess, with remarkable accuracy, the rest of the story. Could it have been any more predictable? The landing party encounters a group of hunters, and there's clearly more to their 'expedition' than meets the eye. Meanwhile, Archer is drawn to a beautiful, mysterious woman that only he can see, who calls him by name and pleads for help. It doesn't take a particularly astute viewer to figure out that a) the two are related, b) the hunters are up to no damned good, and c) our guys are going to take care of it. We didn't even need a half an hour for a story like this, so over the course of an hour, it really began to drag.
Darkness on the Edge of Trek: Enterprise sure likes its flashlights, doesn't it? I've lost track of how many dark sets there have been, and this time, it's the entire episode! I'll admit that they do it pretty well, but I'm getting tired of having to squint my way through the shows. Enough already! Or at least exercise some restraint...
I will say, though, that the landing party's night vision sensors were pretty cool, as were the Eskan's goggles.
Evil Hunters: Now, I'm no fan of hunting as a sport, but even I could see that this was somewhat of an extreme view. These guys were as bad as the hunters who shot Bambi's mother and set the forest on fire! They are hunting and killing an intelligent, sentient species, referred to only as 'the wraiths,' just for fun. They use the chemical signature the wraiths emit when they're frightened to track them ('especially the young ones,' they tell Archer, just so we know that they're baby killers, too). And just in case we STILL don't realize that they're bad, bad people, these hunters also drink and laugh lecherously when they speak of women. Trek villains are usually given a few more shade of gray. This was disappointing.
Archer's Impossible Dream: As it turns out, the wraiths are telepathic shape-shifters. One of them digs into Archer's psyche, then appears to him as a beautiful, scantily clad woman (monkee rolls her eyes) to ask for help. Because she runs away whenever anyone else shows up, everyone thinks he's hallucinating, but he's certain that she's real, and that he's seen her before. Eventually he realizes that she's a character in a Yeats poem that his mother used to recite to him as a child.
Hey, at least it explained the silly flower in her hair. And at least we know, now, that Archer had/has a mother. We've only ever heard about his Dad.
Seriously, though, this development was moderately interesting. What does she represent to him? Does he yearn for the love of a beautiful woman, or is she a symbol of something less tangible – some vague, unobtainable exploration goal, or an impossible dream? I like a plot development with a possible deeper meaning.
It's a good thing the deeper meaning was there, too, because the character was rendered almost completely moot by events. She finally reveals her identity to Archer, but in the very next scene, the hunters tell them everything anyway. It didn't make any sense!
On a lighter note, though, the highlight of the episode for me was that last 'come hither' look she gave him at the end, after she'd transformed herself back into a slug. Hahaha! That was like something out of 'Shrek!' Too bad he hadn't kissed her!
MST3K Moments: I found this episode so dull that I had to amuse myself in other ways. I found myself shouting MST3K style dialog at my television.
What can I say? I was bored!
Redemption: It wasn't a total loss. The episode wasn't genuinely bad, and it did have a few redeeming qualities – mostly some nice character moments. The whole Boy Scout thing, for example...How hilarious is it that Archer was a Boy Scout? Doesn't he just have 'Boy Scout' written all over him? Reed, too, and I loved the little merit badge one-upmanship that was going on. Reed earned twenty-eight merit badges as an Eagle Scout (including an exobiology badge – haha!), but Archer only got twenty-six. "Oh. That's not bad, sir," Reed smirks.
I wonder if the Boy Scouts are still homophobic in the 22nd century? Not that Archer and Reed have to worry about THAT, since they're both such real men, manly men, men who like women...
But I digress. (I really should turn off my sarcasm subroutines when I write these reviews...)
There were other nice moments, mostly involving my buddy Trip. We got some nice continuity with his camera, and even a little reference to his distaste for insects in his sleeping bag (Strange New World).
Character Interactions: The central character was Archer this week, and he had nice scenes with several characters. I loved all the Boy Scout stuff with Reed, of course, and he had an interesting conversation with T'Pol, too. We continue to see evidence of a close friendship between him and Trip, and I like that.
'Shipper Watch: Trip and T'Pol exchanged a glance on the planet, but I think they were mostly concerned that their Captain had lost his mind. It's a stretch (actually, all 'shipper moments are, at this point), but the Archer/Reed banter was kinda cute, too. And T'Pol did call Archer on the scantily clad woman of his dreams. Was she jealous? I don't think so, but she did comment on it...
Archer Watch: Aside from poor, neglected Mayweather, Archer is my least favorite character on this show, which is perplexing, because I really do like Bakula. I think I've finally figured it out, though. Archer is just too much of a Boy Scout! He's too brave, stalwart and true for his own good. It's boring! And it can get annoying, too, when he pushes it too far and becomes staid and self-righteous. He needs to loosen up a little, or something. And he really, really needs to be allowed to have some flaws, and soon! Back when I reviewed 'Andorian Incident,' I said I wanted to see him make a bad decision that would come back to bite him on the butt. I'm still waiting. He is the first Starship Captain, and he should be figuring a lot of things out through trial and error. We haven't seen enough error. An Archer with flaws would be far more intriguing than the comic book action hero we've seen so far. But I digress. Again. In this episode, his actions as Captain were all right. He 'levels the playing field' by giving the wraiths a masking agent, so the Eskans will no longer be able to track them. And for once he refrains from making any holier-than-thou speeches. He sort of lets them know that he's the one responsible, but they can't prove anything, so a reckless confrontation is avoided. Not bad, but I do wish we'd have learned a little bit more about Archer as a person. He still needs a lot more dimension.
Best Lines:
"Vulcans are revered for their accomplishments, not for the way they look." (T'Pol, to Archer)
"Except for the really important ones...who get mummified." (Trip, to T'Pol)
"Why don't you let me play Captain for a while, Malcolm?" (Archer, to Reed)
"If we see any more creatures like that, we'll earn our exobiology badges!" (Archer, to Reed)
"Actually, I already have that one." (Reed, to Archer)
"Apparently, they crawl into your ear to lay their eggs. Have a nice night!" (Sato, to Trip, regarding the planet's bore worms)
"With respect, Captain, I wonder if you would be so determined to find this apparition if it were a scantily clad man." (T'Pol, to Archer)
"She may just be something I envisioned a long time ago, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone shoot her!" (Archer, to Trip)
THE Best Line:
"Have you ever known me to do something foolish? I mean, really foolish?" (Archer, to Trip – hahahahaha!) (Oh, you mean that wasn't SUPPOSED to be funny?)
Rating: 7/10. My lowest rating yet. Boring episodes are almost worse than awful ones. At least the truly bad ones have some outrage or camp value; this one was just...forgettable. Blah.
Next Week: Oh mercy! It was worth struggling through the episode just to see next week's preview! I'm not a big fan of the Ferengi, but this looks hilarious. With Combs and Phillips as funny Ferengi, Porthos, and Trip tromping around in his underwear, I just don't see how this one can go wrong! Bring it on!
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